Cous Cous and Company

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about creation. Not the method by which God created the earth, but how it is completely ridiculous to think that things just happened on their own. I’m not going to get into my theories on how long it took God to make the world, but I will say that whatever he did, it was great.

With that said, God made some pretty amazing people. I don’t understand God’s love, but I am beginning to. God has blessed me so much by showing His love through people in my life. I have always had trouble trusting the people around me, and I have always been bad at understanding love, which has proven to be an obstacle in my walk. While I like to think of my faith as a relationship, relationships are just one thing that I doubt.

I used to feel like I was a disposable friend. I would go back and forth between trying to prove myself and trying to disconnect completely. I have rarely seen relationships in which both members are working toward a common goal with the same level of commitment. I really could go on forever about how I don’t understand friendships and love, but I really just want to think about what I’ve been learning lately.

To bring it back to creation, I have been completely floored by some of the people who have come into my life recently. I have been blessed with friends who, while I know they are not perfect, project the things that I know to be true about my creator. It is uncomfortable for me to be in relationships in which I do not have to earn the affections of those around me. I do not have to prove myself worthy in order for them to care about me. It is still hard for me to trust most of the time. I wait until I make a mistake embarrassing enough or inconsiderate enough to justify someone walking away. I know it is wrong. And that is a change. I know that I am wrong in the way that I give and accept love. But as I said, I am learning.

This year has been the most challenging in my life. I have definitely had darker and worse times in my life, but never before have I gotten up after I’ve been knocked down again and again. Though is has certainly not been easy or fun, if has only been possible because of the people God has placed in my life. I see Him in their faces and in the way that they love me.

My faults have been met with grace; my tears, met with encouragement. I do not deserve it, but isn’t that kind of the point? I don’t have to earn the love of Christ. I could never come close. I deserve hell. Instead, I have been given love.

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~ by Meredith Joanna on May 13, 2010.

One Response to “Cous Cous and Company”

  1. Girl. You are SO not disposable. You are the bomb and I am grateful to have you as a friend. I love you lots. and not like the ‘i’m gonna tell you I love you all the time’ kind of thing, but legit love.

    You rock.

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